Heres what that last joke looks like when we let everybody talk about the
ammendment just a bit.
BUSH, by the grace of God, President of America, Lord of Texas, Duke of
McLennan and Crawford, and Count of the Republicans, to his govenors,
senators, representatives, mayors, council members, justices, commissioners,
sheriffs, detectives, airport screeners, and to all his officials and loyal
subjects, Greeting.
KNOW THAT BEFORE GOD, for the health of our soul and those of our
ancestors and heirs, to the honour of God, the exaltation of the holy
Church, and the better ordering of our country, at the advice of our
republican senators
Lamar Alexander,
Wayne Allard,
George Allen,
Robert Bennett,
Christopher Bond,
Sam Brownback,
Jim Bunning,
Conrad Burns,
Ben Campbell,
Lincoln Chafee,
Saxby Chambliss,
Thad Cochran,
Norm Coleman,
Susan Collins,
John Cornyn,
Larry Craig,
Michael Crapo,
Mike DeWine,
Elizabeth Dole,
Pete Domenici,
John Ensign,
Michael Enzi,
Peter Fitzgerald,
Bill Frist,
Lindsey Graham,
Chuck Grassley,
Judd Gregg,
Chuck Hagel,
Orrin Hatch,
Kay Hutchison,
James Inhofe,
Jon Kyl,
Trent Lott,
Richard Lugar,
John McCain,
Mitch McConnell,
Lisa Murkowski,
Don Nickles,
Pat Roberts,
Rick Santorum,
Jeff Sessions,
Richard Shelby,
Gordon Smith,
Olympia Snowe,
Arlen Specter,
Ted Stevens,
John Sununu,
James Talent,
Craig Thomas,
George Voinovich,
and John Warner:
(1) God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
(2)
- To guarantee the right to use the word "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance and the national motto
- To remove any protection any court may find for child pornography
- To allow Congress to pass laws for emergency replenishment of its membership should more than a quarter of either house be killed
- To place Presidential nominees immediately into position, providing the Senate with 120 days to reject the nominee before the appointment is automatically permanent
(3)
- Calling for the repeal of the 8th Amendment and its replacement with wording prohibiting incarceration for minor traffic offenses
- To specify that progressive income taxes must be used
- To specify a right to "equal high quality" health care
- To limit pardons granted between October 1 and January 21 of any presidential election year
- To require a balanced budget without use of Social Security Trust Fund monies
- To allow for any person who has been a citizen of the United States for twenty years or more to be eligible for the Presidency
- To force the members of Congress and the President to forfeit their salary, on a per diem basis, for every day past the end of the fiscal year that a budget for that year remains unpassed
(4)
- To provide a new method for proposing amendments to the Constitution, where two-thirds of all state legislatures could start the process
- To allow Congress to enact campaign spending limits on federal elections
- To allow Congress to enact campaign spending limits on state elections
- To declare that life begins at conception and that the 5th and 14th amendments apply to unborn children
- To prohibit courts from instructing any state or lower government to levy or raise taxes
(5)
- To force a national referendum for any deficit spending
- To provide for the reconfirmation of federal judges every 12 years
- To prohibit the early release of convicted criminals
- To establish the right to a home
- To define the legal effect of international treaties
- To clarify that the Constitution neither prohibits nor requires school prayer
- To establish judicial terms of office
(6)
- To clarify the meaning of the 2nd Amendment
- To provide for the reconfirmation of federal judges every 6 years
- To force a two-thirds vote for any bill that raises taxes
- To repeal the 16th Amendment and specifically prohibit an income tax
- To provide for removal of any officer of the U.S. convicted of a felony
- To permit the States to set term limits for their Representatives and Senators
(7)
- To allow a Presidential pardon of an individual only after said individual has been tried and convicted of a crime
- To allow Congress to pass legislation to allow the Supreme Court to remove federal judges from office
- To provide for the reconfirmation of federal judges every 10 years
- To provide for the recall of Representatives and Senators
- To remove automatic citizenship of children born in the U.S. to non-resident parents
- To enable or repeal laws by popular vote
- To define a process to allow amendments to the Constitution be proposed by a popular ("grass-roots") effort
- To force a three-fifths vote for any bill that raises taxes
- To prohibit retroactive taxation
- To provide for run-off Presidential elections if no one candidate receives more than 50% of the vote
- To prohibit abortion
- To bar imposition on the States of unfunded federal mandates
(8)
- To disallow the desecration of the U.S. Flag
- To allow a line-item veto in appropriations bills
- To expand the term of Representatives to four years
- To provide for direct election of the President and Vice-President (eliminating the Electoral College)
- To force a balanced budget
- To prohibit involuntary bussing of students
- To make English the official language of the United States
- To set term limits on Representatives and Senators
- To repeal the 22nd Amendment (removing Presidential term limits)
- To guarantee a right to employment opportunity for all citizens
- To grant protections to unborn children
- To provide for "moments of silence" in public schools
- To allow Congress to regulate expenditures for and contributions to political campaigns
- To provide for the rights of crime victims
- To provide for access to medical care for all citizens
- To repeal the 2nd Amendment (right to bear arms)
- To prohibit the death penalty
- To protect the environment
- To repeal the 26th Amendment (granting the vote to 18-year olds) and granting the right to vote to 16-year olds
- To provide equal rights to men and women
Oh my. Can we say Can-Of-Worms? By the way, that was me butchering the Magna Carta
at the top. ... Airport screeners...